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18 May 2003 - Completely Shattered
I am devistated beyond comprehension. Im in shock and for the life of me, I cannot even begin to imagine where this came from. I've ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL, washed my hands, changed my clothing even have showers whenever I come back from a pet store, or the breeders. Our breeder doesn't and has NEVER had PDD in their facility. I know too many people who have birds from them without any problems. I've never been to any other breeding facility. I stopped going to pet shops to hold and play with birds the day I brought home my Timneh's.

The most difficult part of this, is that i CANNOT TELL who is sick? Poops look normal and formed all the time prior to discovering Austin was not well. Even then, his poops where formed. It was only a few days ago, did he start passing undigested food in his stools, which is again, I guess is considered the last phase once the Ventriculous is involved.

SO HOW THE HECK AM I GOING TO KNOW????????????

The only way.........and the ONLY WAY any of these birds stand a chance to reverese damage(If its possible because I DONT know) and to stand a chance to live a quality normal life for as long as Meloxicam can and will work is by early detection.

I was told wtih great sympathy, that Austin will more then likely not respond to any treatment now. He is suffering , He is whimpering (only when he sees me) to eat. I can only get 30 cc's into him because of all the swelling and even at that, he regurges some of it some of the time. It takes hours and hours and hours for that 30 cc's to go through him. I can't bear to see him suffer and waste away on me like this. I love him too god dam much to bear this.........I can't even begin to think and imagine what the next months, years if im lucky will bring. How can anything be normal? Ever again????

I have a huge dilema and I curse this decision.

This is sooooo difficult for me to even think off, to even talk about, to even type, but I have too. I have to say this:

There is no one available to perform a necropsy until Tuesday at the OVC. It is Sunday and Monday is a holiday. So the OVC is hoping that Austin make it till Tuesday, because they will get 100 percent results. I know its important to know for sure if it is PDD. and on one hand I think of it being so important for my other birds, so I know for sure what i am dealing with and can each bird the proper medications to help them all. But on the other hand, Austin is suffering right now. My heart wants to relieve his pain of hunger and let him visit my Dear Dawson and rest in Peace. So I sit here, undebated what to do. I sit here crying my eyes out constantly, because I dont' want him to suffer another moment.

What do I do ? God i need someone to tell me....I need help.

It's been a dreadful year hasn't it ? I am so sickened and my heart is in such small pieces it could flow through a needle.

I just can't bear losing them . It is too much to bear. I question my ablitity to get throught this......I question my mental stablity to deal with this.

Already all my other babies are suffering. Seperating them all has been very grief strickening for all of them. No more vocalization. No more talking. No more singing as they all just sit and call for each other.

My heart is compeletly shattered. I just sit here totally helpless.

18 May 2003 - continued.....
It hurts a million times more because i've always felt so wonderful about how I treat them, what I've done for them, The amount of time i spend each day, reserching to give them the best life possible, to take away any stress, to love them all, to teach them to make them happy as possible. I've given up so much of my own personal life to ensure their health and happiness.

PDD doesn't care. PDD destroys the lives of the happiest birds as well, and the most loving people who care about their birds.

PDD has destroyed our lives and I don't know how I can ever stop the pain. I don't know how I can ever get over this. I don't know how I can ever stop re-living the pain of having to watch each one of my beloved babies starve to death before my eyes. Memories will haunt me forever. I miss them all already, and each moment I have is even more special then it was before, if that is possible. How do you look into those loving trusting little eyes, knowing what you know.....and what could possibly come and act like everything is going to be okay? How do you deal wtih this? I haven't a clue how to deal wtih this. Not a clue.

This is the worst thing that has happened to me. Infact, I hate God. I just hate him for doing this to us. It's like someone telling you your beloved bird or child will murdered within the next few weeks mabe months of your lucky, how do you go one knowing that?

God, I still mourn Dawson. I can't imagine.........I just can't.

18 May 2003 - Continued
Thankyou all, from the bottom of my heart to those of you who have taken the time to send wishes, hopes and prayers for Austin and the rest of my babies. Please continue to do so, as we have a very long road ahead of us. Mabe months or years fighting and waiting to see if any of the others contract this. Im completely horrified beyond my ability to express.

I get confused when it comes to Austins current condition, he is pooping, which means food is flowing still, but it's not like it should be. I believe the Mobility drugs are helping this along, by allowing the movement of food to increase slightly. Which i believe might be taking the edge off Austins hunger. How I am trying to justify how long it takes for food to move, is by weighing him before I feed (Every 2-3 hrs and even through the night, with the largest span being 5 hrs so that he never empties totally)weighing him after I feed.

It s hard to tell what his real weight is, because of the swelling in his crop and stomach, but we are using 260 grams as a base. When he eats 20-30 cc's his weight goes up too 290. Once he is down to 260 again, I feed him. This takes approx 3-4 hrs now for him to lose those grams. Evaluting the amount of stool, the consistancy and frequentcy. This helps determine an estimate at the nutrition he is getting. His stools are just starting to thicken abit, which made me grasp another hope thread, how reasonable it is to grasp, im not sure..........but it looked better then yesterday. I've also thickened his formula slightly to hopefully get more vitamins into him. Whether he is actually capable of absorbing any of the nutrients is something I don't know.

He is only allowed to have Formula and Pellets. Pellets soaked in hot water he seems to enjoy picking at a bit here and there. He cannot have anything Fiberous. I have thought of offering some apple juice for vitamins instead of water, but not sure if i should do that. He isn't drinking much water lately, as he is now flowing with lots of moisture in his food. Where when i got him home, he drank and drank .

He seems more quiet and relaxed now then earlier, I am hoping its a good sign. Watching him in his critter pen, he was preening, sleeping on one foot and stretching. These things confuse me as to whether he is really okay or now is starting to stablize, or if this is masking what I read about PDD. But it is enough to hold on and pray just a little longer.

He has had 3 doses of Meloxicam now. I don't know if anyone has an answer to this or not, but will this anti-inflamatory actually work in both the crop, Proventiculous, Ventriculas? All 3 areas are swollen, and using common sense, I would think it should. If it does take away the swelling and dialation, and simply by these organs not being diatlated would that mean they would function normally again? Or would it just relieve the inflamed and dialated organs, but not neccassarily better function? I am trying to put my expectations in reality so i can understand.

18 May 2003 - A moment of Strength(4 days before death)
That does it!

I am going to fight this b*** d of a disease if it kills me first!. After sitting here all afternoon, inspecting cages, papers, each and every poop, keel bones, weights, food bowls, water bowls , bleaching, cleaning, disinfecting, taking toys away.......and reading every piece of material and case study that I can get my hands on.....Somewhere, somehow, at least for this moment..(may change later), I found this little ounce of hope..........this anger and total hysteria has put my into Terminator mode!!.

From what i've read today, here is what I've learned and believe with my heart to make sense.

PDD first affects the nerves which in turn affects the muscles of organs, hense the Protventriculas, Ventriculas, Crop, and small intestines. It causes thinning of these muscles and eventually the loss of its function. It appears from what i've read, that PDD is a very slow process to start...but can end quickly in some birds. Studies have proved that not every bird is affected to the same degree. Some birds never suffer from major nerve damage.........and with Austin, as im reading he has not suffered yet any physical nerve attributes that some psittacines can and do. However we know his organs are affected to some degree simply because of the slowing of the digestive system.

I've read several case studies today about Birds whom where in very critical phase of the disease whom, given immediately Meloxicam improved within one week, who further improved on this medication. Xray and Barium testing showed no more inflamation of the Proventriculus, ventriculus , small intestine and crop. Barium testing showed the moving of food to be of a very exceptable degree of moment. I assume this means the Ventriculas regained some sort of fuction in the typical movement it does to break down food. Continuing the meloxicam for several months again drastically improved the quality of life of these birds. Supplementation of special and extra non syenthic powders, that contain euchinesia, algea, mineral clay and spirulina was offered to these birds at all feedings. Eventually these birds began to enjoy (now and then as a treat) a few nuts, seeds, and other fiberous foods WITHOUT passing in the stools!!!!!. After treatment and taken off the Meloxicam, these birds are surviving and living a normal quality of life!!!!!!.

THIS GIVES ME HOPE!. Hope to know that at least, We have a chance to improve, and give a quaility of life back each of my babies........for however long we can. (if indeed they become infected, if indeed they are PDD infected).

Good news is: And i hestiate in saying this because i know things could change hours later, tommorrow or the next day.........but

Austin seems better. I mean he just seems abit better then yesterday and even this morning. he's sitting here with me now on the back of the couch, wiggling his tail, no whimpering, no begging from me, he is looking outside with one leg curled up, stretching now and then, puffing up and shaking, and rubbing his beak together. Sooooooooooooooooooo much different then yesterday when i thoght he was going to die in my arms all day and all night last night. He is watching birds outside and just to look at him, he looks so normal. However, his keel bone is very very sharp, and the tummy muscles are definately shrunk from teh weight loss. And yes, his crop still seems swollen, but its only been 3 doses of meloxicam.......and its only been just 24 hrs since he started it. He seems relaxed and stable on the couch. He made me smile for the first time giving me a kiss. God i love him, i'll do anything i can to make him better, to give hiim a chance. If he had still been whimpering like last night , all day today, I would have done the right thing......Im so glad i waited, at least right now while he is showing hope signs to me.

He is eating his formula, but one thing i noticed is that he is not gorging it like he did yesterday. This could mean 2 things. Either he is satisisfied as food is constantly movng through him now, and/or the medication is beginning to change the happenings in his stomach etc, OR he is going down hill. But with the signs i see and with no begging anymore, I want so badly to believe the first is true.

He perks up his little head when he hears something, so he is very aware of his surroundings and still has a normal response. He bit hubby just abit ago, and hubby said WOW that is MORE like Austin. He never allowed hubby any where near him...but did yesterday with no probs, but this afternoon and now.......no way.

So, I feel hope. On one hand i don't want to unrealistic, but on the other hand, I can't live life sitting here waiting, and waiting, and waiting and crying and crying and feeling so defeated. It hit me like a ton of bricks, to fight as hard as we can and then if all the fightening doest work......I will still be devistated beyond repair, but at least in my heart, I'll know we did everything we could to make a difference instead of giving in and letting it take us all without a fight.

Austin is not regurgitating either as much today , as he did yesterday. But also I know that all day yesterday and last night, they stopped all medications because of all the testing, and that along with only 2 feedings of only 20 cc's......and an empty crop coming home..mabe it was stress, fear and having no food flowing that made his starvation as bad as it appeared to be. I am feeding him every 3-4 hrs and will continue to through the night. I added abit of sprilina and baby sweet potatoe to his formula and will see the color change in his stools...this will help me get an idea how long it takes to go through him. I need to know this to see if there is any increased speed to his system. The only time he regurges is when he seems to try to be active, or bends his head down to wipe his beak, sometimes he will regurg then. (as he bites the couch and makes a hole in it!!!)

If Austin is indeed improving, I may delay any more visits to the OVC to reduce stress and allow time to proceed,(so long as i know he is not suffering or losing more weight).

Next:

Early detection.

As soon as possible, I am going to bring Emily and Owen for the Barium test. This is non invasive by feeding a formula with a dye in it, and viewing the digestion process and comparing it to normal function.

Here is my reasoning.

Zack and bailey feed each other....so i've put them back together. If one was exposed which would more then likely be Zack, because Zack has been on the Timenh's cage and I know he has when poop existed. Then that means bailey would be exposed. They are back together in their own play area and are happier now. (Thankyou cathy). Simon never lets any bird so close to him there would be exchange of bodily fluids, however he does travel and play alot, so for him to stumble on poop and put his foot in his mouth is possible. Jeffery is never around the Timens at all, and Jeffery and Bella hung out together. The breeders have had no direct or do i believe indirect exposure to poops nor to any other bird. So the breedres are least of my worries right now.

If no abnormal digestive signs show......then we will continue the strict cleaning and removing soiled papers as i see them several times a day and keep each bird in their group. Owen and Emily together in one area, Bailey and Zack togehter in one area, and simon on his own (which he doesnt seem to mind). And Jeffery and bella in another area. All birds are in the same room.........which i told the OVC. they said moving these birds in their groups as i've mentioned is okay. Just try to minimzie direct contact especially with poops and bodily fluids.

So guys, lets hope and pray that these little increased behavours of Austins are good ones and lets pray to god it is the Meloxicam that is doing the job.

Austin is on Nystatin, Baytril, (for protection against aspirational phenomina as regurg is typical in PDD and so is aspirational phenomnia), Melixcam and MObility drugs to help speed up his digestive tract.











You can email the author at Samarra34@msn.com

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