*sob*.This morning Austin seemed great. Infact, I think he gained weight. The swelling in his crop had gone down considerably, but to only show just how skinny he really is. This devisated me one hand, seeing him this way, as I realized how his crop must have been swollen all along for a very long time. It looked normal to me. I've never seen an indent in this area on Austin, I always thought he was just pudgy and a good eater.
I had a massage package for mothers day that an appt was made for me from my kids. This was before we knew what was going on. Everyone encouraged me to take a break and go and try to relax, but i didn't want to leave Austins side. AFter feeling and thinking it over, i went, but it wasn't relaxing, as they had that nature music on and of coarse, wouldn't it have birds singing in the background. I just lay my head down and cried quietly the whole time.
I came back home to 4pm, to notice that Austin had regurgiated all over his cage. I know he will do this if he climbs around too much or tilts his head low, he'll spit up abit depending on how full he is. I didn't notice many poops and this frightened me. Having him out now, he;s playing but now and then spitting up. I am worried sick. I pray to God he doesn't go backwards on me......how can that be? He was improving steadily...and this to happen? I am so scared.
Ontop of that, I took Owen out his cage, and he had diarreha. Not the first poop in the morning, but after I noticed Austins regurg when i got home.
I can't describe what im feeling right now. I feel like I either want to break everything in my sight for the anger I feel........or just break down and admit myself.
I feel alone......totally alone. Im getting ticked off at my husband. Life seems to go on for him. Here I am alone crying and so upset, he's off to the gym making sure he works out. Mabe because of the way im feeling, im overly sensitive about what everyone else is doing........my life has stopped. Everyone else keeps living. So i feel very alone at this moment.
I get so overwhelmed when i walk into the bird room. All these beautiful loving eyes looking straight at me. I swear, they can see through me. Especially Simon for some reason. He just pierces my soul when He looks at me. I swear he that smart, that he knows. I fell to pieces today after he said to me " Dont be scared" "It's okay" and then later said "Is everybody happy". A knive went right through my heart and it hurts like nothing every has.
