Austin is now resting peacefully at Rainbow Bridge. We lost our battle with PDD. He had another episode just prior to leaving for the Vets which is 5 minutes away, this time, the episode lasted much longer. We arrived at the vets, and he seemed quite, but too bad in spirits despite his episodes today. Wendy examined him, took a wee bit of blood for calcium and sugar levels and showed me how to inject the Meloxicam into Austins breast.
Austin then had several seizures while we where talking, not fully recovering from them as before. I could see the sadness and concern in her eyes. She said to me that talking with Dr. Taylor is it very fair that we be as honest about this as possible. If this is PDD, it has effected Austins heart and with these seizures it is effecting his brain now as well. Each of these episodes is creating damage and what the long term or permance of the damage would be if austin makes it, is unknown. She told me that Dr. Taylor and now herself after witnessing these seizures said, if Austin is going to make it these next few days, he will need to respond IMMEDIATELY to the injected form of Meloxicam. If he was to have seizures all day tommorrow. I need to except realities of this situation with Austin and allow him to rest.
Since Austin came out of the seizures eventually and seemed to have the ability still to perch,, was aware of his surrounding and responded to danger, we both agreed to allow Austin the chance to respond to the injected form of Meloxicam.
6pm:
Immediately upon return home, Austin continued to seizure one after the other. He regurged all of his food and feeding was not possible with the regurgiation that occures with seizures. I wrapped him in a blanket and held him close to me, he was going downhill very quickly and these seizures where becoming apparent to me that with each seizure, Austin could suddenly, no longer stand up, perch, hold his own head up, I kept thinking if i held him close like the night i did, he'd be okay in the morning, denying what was happening and thinking of any reason i could think off to keep going......to keep him alive. He then took 3 more seizures non stop and the damage was done. He no longer was coherent to movement, me, touch. I knew I lost him that moment. Austin was no longer Austin.
Called the emergency clinic, and rushed him down and held him in my arms realizing he was paralized. He was not in pain....i was assured from teh seizures. I just held him , rocked him, till he fell asleep forever in my arms.
I can't believe it. I can't believe its over. I know in my heart, I waited for Austin to tell me when its time to go. I didn't want him to suffer one more seizure, I wanted to him to beable to hear my voice and know that i was with him. I hope in my heart he knew.
I am to pick Austin up in the morning for necropsy. I wish with all my heart, I could just bring him home and allow him to rest in our garden untouched.
I will miss him so much, all that we've been through has touched my heart and soul in away that I cannot describe , that I cannot forget. There is this unknown emptyness in the pit of my heart. Silence.
Thankyou for prayers, support. I know that I will need it again, mabe for my other birds.
Right now, with all that we've been through, the harsh realities, I know in my heart we battled till we couldn't battle anymore. I am devistated, but also at the same time, feel a great peace knowing I allowed Austin to live as long as he could by paying attention to him, it was clearly without doubt, time to allow Austin peace. I feel peace knowing he won't ever need to struggle through another seizure and that we didn't allow Austin to suffer through them and continue to damage him througout the night.
I will up all night mouring the loss of my Austin and dealing with my anger and frustation with a disease that has destroyed and changed my life forever.
I can't believe he's gone.......and so I sit here and cry for hours on end. \
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Fly my little baby. Be free. Free from pain, free from hunger. Mommy loves you more then you'll ever know. I will miss you with all my heart and soul. I will miss your beautiful face, your cuddles and all the new words you learned. I will always think of you, remember you.
I Love you Austin!I love you so much!
